Joy and Sorrow
by Shibue Miyuu
Summary: My entry for HijiChi Week 2018 Day 2 on Tumblr.


**HijiChi Week Day 2**

Prompt: Joy/Sorrow

Pairing: Hijikata Toshizou/Yukimura Chizuru

Background: Alternare Universe. Hijikata was a detective and Chizuru was his fiance.

 _AN: English is not my first language as I stated previously. But I hope all the readers can enjoy the story like I enjoy making it. Sorry for any grammatical errors._

 **Miyuu**

* * *

 **Joy and Sorrow**

 _Slam!_

Hijikata lifted his head and looked straight to the door in front of him that just opened and banged the wall with a loud sound. There he found his fiancee, or soon-to-be-ex-fiancee stood at the door. Her eyes were glaring hard at him.

His fiancee just stood and not moving from the door. He could see from where he was sitting and over her shoulders, that some of the people -namely Harada, Nagakura, Yamazaki, Okita, and Saitou- that still working an overtime in the detective's office, were trying to look on what would happen between them.

 _'It's not their damn business.'_

He got up from his seat and strode to the door, pulled the woman's arms and closed the door with another loud banged. He released her arms and stared at his fiancee with an icy look.

"What do you want, Chizuru?" Hijikata said coldly.

Chizuru narrowed her eyes at her fiancee, "Don't give that tone, Toshizou-san. You clearly know what I want." She was trying to control the anger and anxious feelings that were overwhelming her body at the moment. "We need to talk about your decision to break our engagement."

Their eyes staring at each other, neither wanted to give up. Then Hijikata walked to his work desk and leaned his body on the desk. He folded his arms on his chest and looked at Chizuru with a bored look. "That matter was clear enough. You and I, we will break our engagement. That's it."

"I guess you forgot to mention that you also didn't say whatever reasons of why you wanted to break the engagement. I want to hear and know the reason of why you have decided to make me taste the sorrow and take the joy out from me, as what you've promised you will never do such a thing to me before." Chizuru bit her lip, her voice trembled when she said the next words. "Are you taking light of the promise you have told me when you proposed to me, Toshizou-san?"

His indifferent masked which he displayed to cover his real feelings was on the verge to slip and made her saw the pain and anguish that was taking over his body now. His resolved to act cold toward her almost crumbled when he heard the sadness that laced in her tone.

For the first time since he could remember, Hijikata didn't know what to say. His decision of breaking their engagement was something he still thought over and over. Did he do the right thing? Was it right to make the woman that he loved more than his life to feel the sorrow of being separated from her loved one? They loved each other and he would love her till death came for him. No, even beyond the death itself. And he also knew that she would do the same thing. The trials that they had experienced on their love had made the bond between them deeper, and no other things could tear them apart. At least that was what on his mind before he stumbled on the case he was involved at the moment.

As the lead detective on this case, he had to delve into the matters more than anyone else and sometimes had to take a dangerous action. For as long as he worked as a detective, this was the first time he had to face this kind of dangerous level. And also for the first time, Chizuru's safety was in jeopardy because she was related to him. There were two kidnapped attempt of her already, one of those was succeeded to be conducted.

And he didn't want to feel the fear and frightful feelings ever again of not knowing whether Chizuru was alive or not, period. He was seriously contemplating to break his relationship with Chizuru after the first kidnapping incident. The second attempted was the last straw. He was afraid that while he would try his best to protect her with all that he had, it still wouldn't be enough to guarantee her safety. In the end, he took one of the hardest decision he ever made in his life.

 _'Her safety is beyond anything worth in this world.'_

Hijikata averted his eyes, not looking back at Chizuru. He opted not to look at the brown eyes that was filled with the sorrow, courtesy of him of course. This action made Chizuru frustrated more. She didn't want to receive silent answer from the man in front of her. She wanted answer, explanation... _anything_ to understand of why Hijikata had decided of doing an absurd thing of breaking their engagement.

She approached the man slowly and stopped at an arm's length. "Look at me."

He let out a humorless laugh. "Since when you are brave enough to give me an order?"

"I'm not giving you an order, Toshizou-san. I just tell you to not run away from your feelings. Because that's what you are doing right now by avoiding to tell me the reason for breaking our engagement," Chizuru said matter of factly. "Don't try to deny it."

 _'Damnit. She knows me to well.'_

"Toshizou-san,"

Hijikata closed his eyes, bracing himself to tell the lies he had prepared about this matter. But before he could open his mouth to talk, a soft delicate hand was placed on both of his cheeks. The hand guided him to look at its owner. He was greeted with two pleading brown eyes.

"And, please don't try to tell any lies. Please tell me the truth."

Hijikata could feel the warmth from Chizuru's hands, that were placed on top of his cheeks, untying the knot that was suffocating his body. Her pleading and sad voice made something inside him snapped then. He grabbed Chizuru and pulled the woman to his embrace. He inhaled her sweet scent that always could give his mind a peace. How could he let himself be apart from her? It's the same thing as doing a suicide.

"I can't lose you," Hijikata said hoarsely. He couldn't hold his pent up emotion any longer. "The last kidnapping incident was like a warning and wake up called for me. If something happen to you… I don't even want to imagine it."

Chizuru felt Hijikata tightened his embraced on her. She circled her hands on his back, returning his hug with the same force. "Who says that you will lose me? Nothing can make me away from you." Chizuru whispered softly. "When I made a decision to be with you, of accepting your proposal of marriage, I also accepted the consequences of being together with you. Your job is not the safest thing to do after all."

"But you were not suppose to be involved in the dangerous situation that I faced! What I offer to you is for you to be safe and protected for the rest of your life." Hijikata's mind drifted to the recent kidnapping incident. He gritted his teeth hard. "You almost die, Chizuru. I nearly losing my mind back then when I saw you unconscious with blood pooling around your body."

"I'm sorry for causing you such a fright. I will try to be more careful next time I get kidnapped."

"Don't make your situation as a joke!" Hijikata cut Chizuru harshly. "You don't have to apologize. That's not your fault."

"Okay, no more talking of the kidnapping incident then." Chizuru pulled from Hijikata's embrace to look at his face. She caressed the man's cheek tenderly. "Haven't you realized yet that by doing this, of breaking our engagement, there's no way I can feel the joy that you promised will always make me feel? You know clearly that my joy is to be by your side, always," Chizuru said, stressing the joy word. "You will only give me endless sorrow by being separated from you. And I know you are the man of your word. You will never go back for every word you have said. So, **_please_** … Let me be with you."

"...Is that what you want?"

"I won't barge into your office at this ungodly hour to safe our engagement if I don't want to be with you."

Hijikata cupped Chizuru's cheeks and leaned closed to her face. "You won't regret it later? I have offered you a ticket on living free life without have to always be on constant alert if someone is targeting you or not. To do whatever you want, go wherever you want, to be free and not be involved in any dangerous situation."

"If you are not in the life you are offering to me, I will certainly turn it down. My mind won't change on that matter."

Hijikata released Chizuru cheeks and slowly he get down on one knee. "Then let me propose to you once again." He reached for her left hand and hold her fingers. "As you know, I don't have anything to offer. My job as a detective has made my life in a constant alert. Dangerous situation is also not far from it. I have said it before, the thing that I can offer is a lifetime protection and whenever I'm by your side, your safety is guaranteed. I will always make you feel joy and will cast away any sorrow that will make you sad. I have once tried to do something foolishly stupid by deciding to break our engagement. Something that is equal as attempting a suicide for me. But you are willing to take me back and make me realized the mistake that I've made. And with this, I promise that I won't ever do that foolish act again. I won't ever let you go, even if by the death itself. Please stay by my side and let me loved you as my wife and partner of life." Hijikata kissed the ring on Chizuru's finger, the one he had slipped to her finger when he proposed to her.

"Can I say no to that?" Chizuru's vision blurred from tears of joy by Hijikata's words. "I will say yes again if you promise not to do this again in the future."

"You heard my words," said Hijikata firmly.

"Get up then and kiss me."

"Your answer?"

"It's a yes of course."

Hijikata got up from his kneeling and showered Chizuru with his kisses. Their kisses were never as sweet and as fulfilling as what they had before. A kiss full of promise not to be apart and to be always together.

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The End


End file.
